Some of the Email Exchanges Between Angie and Myself...
Some of the weird emails between us. I say weird now. At the time the both of apparently thought the conversations seemed pretty real. They get pretty...well...yah, weird. Perhaps we both said some things; but I see nothing in here which should warrant the involvement of four levels of government, sixteen government agencies, six police departments (including the FBI and US Navy Intelligence), and four civilian organizations (including the ARRL)...all becoming upset with a guy and taking some pretty serious actions against a him. I mean, really. Are you kidding? I see nothing in here warranting people becoming frightened and upset. The dynamic was two-way, here; not one-way. I refuse to believe that THIS was the catalyst for all the problems. There was something more. It's something that the hams said to Emergency Management and the NWS.
On the other hand, if it DOES have to do with any of this, then Angie is being deceitful and making more of this than there actually was, and making a whole lot of people believe that I was just this asshole who was chasing her and like she was not reciprocating or something. If that's the case, then god damn it! Let's bring on the lawyers! Because I've freaking HAD it with this! This whole thing is unfair. The below shows Angie as having a lot more involvement in this than she is evidently allowing people to believe. And if that's the case, then a BUNCH of people got upset with me as a result, and took ACTIONS against an innocent person.
So, again...what the hell is all of this ABOUT? I want to know. Was I actually a "problem", or are we dealing with rumors - stuff ham radio operators made up to get all these people and agencies upset with me? What's the real story here, people? What the HELL is going on? I have a right to know. PLEASE...TELL me...that somebody has SOME actual EVIDENCE of something here to back up all these actions taken against me. TELL me that someone has ONE affidavit from any of those hams...signed in their name. ...One real WITNESS? ...Yes? ...NO? ...Are you KIDDING me??? Let me guess. You want them to sign something, and now they're all saying "I never said that!" ...While also adding, "We never TOLD you to do all those things that you did! YOU guys did that YOURSELVES!" Right? Welcome to my world. Sounds familiar. This is what *I* had to deal with with those very same hams. It's WHY I disassociated with them...because they were irresponsible, and repeated troublemakers, and served no real useful purpose except to cause problems for people. And BOY are a lot of people in big trouble indeed, right now, over this. Actions were taken and they can't even back themselves up officially for having taken those actions because apparently eveybody took them without the prior knowledge or approval of upper echolon. Everybody was so sure. Now here we are.
Let's have a look at these emails, huh?...
-Todd
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Saturday, May 28, 2005 3:43 AM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: Re: Alachua Roster - Final
> Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH wrote:
>
> Thank you so much, Todd, for all of your hard work and
> dedication to Skywarn.
>
> --Angie
>
>
> Hi Angie.
>
> No, Angie. No. Thank YOU. YOU'RE the one who stands up there and
> TEACHES the classes. You're the one who DRIVES 70-something miles to come
> all the way down here to teach it. You're the one who presents the classes
> in enthusiastic, animated ways that causes people to talk excitedly about
> what they just saw. You're the one people talk about and want to come and
> learn from.
> All *I* do is print a poster, send a few emails, ask Bill Quinlan to
> mention something on TV, and maybe do a few radio interviews, now and then.
> Oh and...introduce the Instructor. :)
> You have an enthusiasm and an attitude towards the SKYWARN program that is
> unmatched, and I am impressed. I think it surpasses even Fred Johnson's.
> ...And he loved the program.
> I'm proud to have you. I'm proud OF you. I'm proud to know you're
> involved in the SKYWARN program. I'm GLAD you're there doing it. I believe
> you belong there.
>
> I originally intended to surprise you with an unannounced call to the
> radio station, earlier, to tout just those very words to you over the air.
> :) ALAS!...their internet broadcast kept having problems, and kept telling
> us to try back later, and so I couldn't get it to stay connected to them
> long enough to hear the silly phone number needed to call! :-(
> Anyway, I'm sorry I missed it. I wish I could have heard it.
>
> Hey, is your bellsouth email "secure"? I mean, can I pretty much speak
> about anything using that address? Or, do you have a personal tel. number I
> could reach you at to talk more openly? (sigh) I should have thought to
> ask, first. I sent an email to your bellsouth account, already.
>
> Muffin says 'hi'.
>
> ...And so does Alisa. Oh! And she wants to talk to you about a few
> things, btw. Can you send her an email at **************@*******.com ?
>
> Saw Star Wars. Wow. Darker. ...But it was good.
>
> Todd
Hey Todd,
Your compliments are very kind... :-[ You do deserve a lot of
credit because advertising is a lot of work and you are among a few that
take it seriously...just look at the class attendance!!! You continue to
bring in extremely large numbers compared to the rest; thank you.
As far as a secure email, I don't really have a super secure one, but
anything you wish to talk about you can send to my home account.
The radio show was so much fun! I am bummed about the Internet
connection; my parents had a hard time logging onto the site as well and
that really stunk because I dedicated one song to my mom and talked about
my Dad's hurricane hunter days, amongst other tidbits of information.
It's weired though, because we got a request from a Pennsylvania listener
who was listening via the net.
Bob Pickering (Flagler County EMA Tech) and I had a blast; we are like
twins separated at birth. If you think I have energy...watch out for
BP...he just doesn't stop. He has a lot of passion for what he does as
well, so it is a lot of fun to work with him because I think our energy
becomes contagious to others around us.
Shouldn't somebody be sleeping right now? Wish it was
me...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2005 2:09 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: RE: Hey...
Hey Todd,
I am anything but afraid, but I am confused, and as you said an emotional
roller coaster. As much as I appreciate you wanting to become a larger part
of my life, I feel that I need to figure out a lot on my own right now.
Call it selfish, call it naive, call it immaturity. The night we talked, I
emotionally exploded; I am sincerely a happy, lively and confident person,
and after such a fun talk, the reality of my upside down world hit me and it
made me sad, and unusually outspoken about my personal issues. I am a bit
surprised at myself for opening up to you like that. Regardless, I did open
up to you, for some reason, but now in retrospect I am not ready to drag
someone else into my mixed up world right now. Thank you so much for you
kind gestures, but if I have ever been a strong woman, I need to be one
now...and not get anyone else involved. That is selfish; but that is how I
feel. Please don't be upset; you have done nothing but been kind, sweet and
dedicated to building a relationship, beyond NWS/Skywarn. It has been
comforting to me to know that you care; but I have not been fair because I
haven't wanted to fill you in on my end, since that night. Right now, I
just need to get my own head straight.
I don't want to sound like a cold-shoulder or ungrateful for your
thoughtfulness, I just am not in any place to reciprocate right now.
--Angie
The following email shows my confusion over her emails and
reiterates that what I'm looking for really is a friendship, no more... -Todd
-----Original Message-----
From: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2005 7:10 PM
To: 'Angela Enyedi'
Subject: RE: Hey...
Hey Angie,
Before I attempt a more detailed reply.....Are we talking about a friendship,
or a relationship?
I admit attraction. (Hell yah.) But I never would have been able to
reciprocate, either, right now. You're married and trust is very important to
me. Had I allowed what our eyes back and forth kept (I think) hinting, then
you would never have been able to trust me, and vice-versa. A relationship
right now?....It wouldn't be possible. Not in your current state. I can't
take advantage of a woman like that...especially if she's my friend. (Oh, but
that you weren't married! Just so that you know... Angela...I would have let
you do whatever you wanted. I would have. But I couldn't. I want your trust.)
However, that being said, I *am* *sincerely* interested in that friendship we
spoke of, Angie. That above ALL. I want you in my circle of GOOD friends.
You're so smart. We have similar interests. You're so kind, and human, and you
understand. I'm such a loyal and dedicated friend to my friends. I give it my
all. I trust without question or hesitation. I'm open and honest. I listen.
Let's elevate what we already have just a little bit more - STILL a friendship,
but beyond emails. Let's visit now and then. Let's see movies, have a dinner,
go to the beach occasionally. Let's have real fun. Let's call each other and
gab. And when you're down, come take my shoulder and know that you'll get it
without obligation to have to give anything back to me...except maybe the same
when I need it, too.
But I am sincere in my friendships. I take them seriously and I spend all my
spare time giving to my friends.
If you want that, Angie...take it. Take it.
...Especially now, when you need it the most. Don't try to handle the darkness
alone.
Do you want it?
Todd
Nine days after this, Jeff Capehart sent Angie an email in secret, behind my back, designed to make me sound really irresponsible. He kept it a secret from me...until Angie sent me a copy of it out of concern that he might be pulling something behind my back. It was my first real confirmation that the hams were indeed trying to interfere with and sabotage things for me, and also, to destroy the good dynamic going on between Angie and myself at the time. After this, I canned Jeff as Asst. Coordinator, and ended the friendship. The friendship was going nowhere and all he was doing was causing me very serious problems and berating me all the time, and causing me so much STRIFE with other people, orgs, and agencies...all the time! And that was it. I'd had it. He was history. I was aware that he may well have caused a lot of damage, right there, with that email. And he knew it, too. No one writes a letter like that "by accident". He's an intelilgent person. He knew what he was doing. And while Angie may have only had that one email to go by, I had many many years of history with Jeff to know that "in his best interest" was NOT the name of the actual game, there. For Jeff, it was all about causing me drama, and laughing at the incessant sparks that he always caused to fly for me. He kept graduating as the years went by, and he got worse and worse! He was becoming such a SERIOUS, SERIOUS pain in the ass! It wasn't about work with him, or getting a job done. It had become all about berating and humiliating Todd. Because of him five other hams were tag-team stalking me, and he showed no concern for his actions. And after he pulled that email thing, I began to realize that I needed to separate myself from ALL of the problem hams, NOW...
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Sunday, June 12, 2005 8:00 AM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: Too bad...
Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH wrote:
>Angie,
>
> I've sent letters to the Presidents of GARS and GARC that I'm resigning my
>membership from both clubs, and I've advised everyone that I won't be
>participating in any more public service-related ham radio events because to
>do so would only mean associating with certain very scary individuals who
>won't leave me alone.
>
> At any rate, this means that I won't be participating in Get Ready 2005 at
>the Oaks Mall, here, since SKYWARN doesn't actually have it's own table and
>we were going to be borrowing space on the GARS table.
>
> (sigh) I guess my point is: you don't have to worry about me being there
>if you DO end up being assigned to go. (I know last time we talked about it
>that you said you were scheduled to work at NWS-JAX, that day; but I know
>plans can change.)
>
> It's time for me to find new friends. And obviously these people are
>false friends who are willing to try to force me to do their own bidding by
>using methods of embarrassment and attempts sabotaging my relationships with
>my other friends, and their respect of me.
>
> I've had it. I give up. I quit. They win. I'm history. This has gone
>on for three long, drawn out years and I can't take it anymore. It's sick.
>It's cruel to myself to try to make myself believe that tomorrow they'll
>suddenly turn from the dark side to the good side of the force. That's
>"victim" mentality to believe in such nonsensical ideas.
>
>Todd
>
>---------------------------------
> Todd L. Sherman, Coordinator
> Alachua County SKYWARN
> Gainesville, Alachua Co., FL
> Tel: (352) ***-****
> Email: skywarn@fireline.org
> Web: http://alachuaskywarn.org
>--------------------------------
That is too bad, Todd. Your skills were a great asset to those clubs, I am
sure. It's ashame that you feel you must do this, but GNV is a big town, and
perhaps there is another way you can utilize your talents...perhaps another club?
A club through the university or the community college...something else. If you
feel as strongly as you do to resign from these clubs, there must be others who
feel the same. Perhaps you can organize another group? Possibilities are endless,
just don't settle or wallow in anger...use that energy for something positive.
You have so much to offer...
--Angie
From: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH [skywarn@fireline.org]
Sent: Sunday, June 12, 2005 4:05 PM
To: 'Angela Enyedi'
Subject: RE: Too bad...
> That is too bad, Todd. Your skills were a great asset to those
> clubs, I am sure. It's ashame that you feel you must do this, but GNV
> is a big town, and perhaps there is another way you can utilize you
> talents...perhaps another club? A club through the university or the
> community college...something else. If you feel as strongly as you do
> to resign from these clubs, there must be others who feel the same.
> Perhaps you can organize another group? Possibilities are endless,
> just don't settle or wallow in anger...use that energy for something
> positive. You have so much to offer...
> --Angie
Angie, you're so cool. (sigh) :( I WISH we could be better friends...that this crap
wasn't getting in the way of it.
...And it's not ANGER so much as it is just...PAIN...constant pain...because these people
just can't let me alone.
I'm hearing you, though. I'm listening. And thanks. I appreciate what you're trying to
do. ...Don't stop. Ok?
It's not all so cut and dry, unfortunately, Angie. Even if I organize another group, then
Jeff, Scott and/or Susan will join it (I can't just prevent them from joining), and they'll
still be there, and I'll still have to put up with the same stuff - they'll still be there
trying as best they can to harass and embarrass and ruin my face in front of others. There's
nothing I can do. They win no matter what.
I don't care about all that, though, so much as I do that it really hurt that he told you
all of the private, personal things about me that he did. There are a LOT of things I wasn't
ready to tell you yet - some of which he threw in there. There is a LOT to my life and
background to tell you about and it's SUCH a long, painful story and I didn't want to go into
it that night. Not right away. As it was, I was just so happy that you thought I was even
worth CONSIDERING as a friend and I didn't want to do or say anything to SCREW it up. :(
But I guess he took care of that FOR me, huh.
Someday I'll tell you about my life. I just didn't know HOW to go into it...not this
quickly, anyway. I was scared. If you WANT me to tell you about it someday, I will. Just ask.
But it's a long story, and there's a lot of cruelty, and it's dark. It mightnot be something
you want to listen to. It's kind of an ABC Afterschool Movie that goes on and on torturously
and never ends for me. It doesn't stop. I keep waiting for the happy ending but it never comes.
It's got a cruel, sick "Director" hiding out there, somewhere. All I'll say now is that I turned
out good-side instead of dark-side (though I've no idea why), and I'm very proud of myself for it.
I'm an anomaly and I don't know why. (I want to someday find OUT, though.) It has a LOT to do
with why I try so hard to be so KIND to people at every turn, and to forgive people when they make
mistakes, and give them a thousand chances (because first impressions really AREN'T the ones that
count, as the myth that is propounded in our society goes), and why I will NEVER, EVER treat
another person as cruelly as I have been treated by people. It's why I go out of my way to make
sure people feel COMFORTABLE around me. I don't like seeing new people feeling nervous or
inadequate or lower around me. I'm NOT a god; I'm JUST like them; and I'm NOT better than they
are. I'm on the same level, and they're allowed to approach me, to talk to me. I'm a human
being just like them. I'm not anybody special. If someone falls off their horse by accident,
I'll probably fall off mine ON PURPOSE just to make them feel comfortable. THAT'S me.
I'm exceedingly patient. ...But the straw CAN be broken with me. It just takes an incredible
LOT to do it. And Jeff has succeeded.
Jeff was trying to email me all day yesterday - as if he'd done nothing at all and as if
everything was just hunky-dory and kosher. Seven emails and he never mentioned a word about what
he did in any of them. Heh. I sent him ONE email and for the first time EVER, I told him to ****
off. :) It felt good. I didn't know that was in me. I didn't know I could do that. I don't
normally SAY things like that to people; so it's kinda weird for me. I don't like to do it.
(sigh) He's trying to call me, right now. Two calls to my cell, one to my home phone...)
I'm never going to be able to forget that....that he ACTUALLY TRIED to sabotage my friendship
with someone else...someone he KNEW I respected...and that he resorted to the tactic of trashing
me in front of her. GOD! I would NEVER do that to someone I called "my friend." I would NEVER
DARE interfere like that. That's SACRED ground! ...And VERY personal ground! I can't believe
he actually CROSSED that line - and without hesitation or a second thought. ...GOD!!!!!!
He's intelligent, too. ...He KNEW better!
It's weird that I repeatedly dreamed about something like that happening...and then it actually
DID.
If I can find it, I'll send you an email Jeff wrote me not long ago. In it, it describes how,
bottom line, he wants me holding his hand in everything. That's what it all boils down to with
him. And when I'd tell him that I don't WANT to do this or that, then he'd get upset and go into
long, drawn out speeches about how I should do what he suggests because it only shows how stupid
and irresponsible I am if I don't. Most people take 'no' and move on. Jeff's not capable of that.
He has to pester and pester until he wins. He just refuses to let things go. I forget what they
call that. Would that be a sociopath? But basically, he wants to control me.
Jeff is constantly sending me emails stating "I think I've finally figured you out," or "I think
I've finally figured out how your mind works." It's an unnatural obsession with him...trying to
figure out what I'm thinking all the time. WHY is what my mind is thinking so IMPORTANT to him?
It's a real, obsessive compulsive disorder with him...trying to figure out WHY I do this, or why I
do that. Jeff keeps trying to figure out my "psychology." Well sometimes...quite simply, I just
DO things. Who frelling CARES why?
No matter how you slice it, though - it's way too WEIRD an obsession for ME.
Scott just wanted to bask in my limelight and take some of the publicity when I wasn't looking.
He started getting bold and began resorting to publicly bashing me, and threatening to "take over"
SKYWARN. When I fired him, he resorted to sending me 60+ emails, 60+ pages, and calling me at all
hours of the day and night, filling my machine with useless harrassments and a threat to watch my
back. This behaviour is...well, it's just scary. Bottom line, he also wanted to control me.
Susan hates my guts, quite simply, because I refuse to bow down my head in fear like her stupid
poodles do when she demands things, and because I don't obey her "orders". I'm NOT a slave, and
I'm NOT a kickable puppy; and I don't DESERVE to be, nor do I LET her, treat me like one. So she
hates my guts. But Susan has made interfering with my life an obsession for as long as I've known
her. I used to just ignore it and TAKE it. Since I stopped taking it, she's gotten OFFENSIVELY
DELIBERATE about it in the last three years. She jabs and then runs and hides, pretending like
she did nothing. When I get mad she feigns being innocent and like I'm picking on her. Her
behaviour is classic sociopathic. Susan's whole LIFE is a want to control me and/or to make my
life miserable if I refuse to obey. She doesn't even KNOW anymore why she hates me so, really.
She's just been going at it so long it's become a late night trip to the refrigerator, a
cigarette, a toke of crack to her. But she isn't able to quote to anyone a legit, justifiable
reason for it. All she knows is that one day I barked back and bit her but good. THAT'S the one
thing she touts to everyone, too...as if it's what started everything.
Anyway...
It's called "fame", Angie. SKYWARN is something that a great many people are fascinated with.
People see me - as the Coordinator of one of the best and largest programs around - as somewhat
of a celebrity. I'm finally learning this now, if but ever so slowly. I don't know if YOU have
to deal with this - being the Instructor of so many SKYWARN classes all around the CWA. Most
people are built normally and just admire from afar and don't actively try to invade or interfere
with your life. A rare few others are more immature, and they fantacise about associating with
you somehow, and they stalk you. I think this is what I'm experiencing. Just that, ALL of those
"rarer" people happen to live RIGHT HERE in Alachua Co., apparently. :(
...Susan thinks Jeff should be in the spotlight, not me; so she trashes me at every public turn,
trying to make people disappointed in me in the hopes that...what?...somebody will oust me or
something? In reality, nobody WANTS to do what I'm doing. They WANT me at the top, running
things. Everybody ELSE just wants to JOIN, not work in the executive positions. We've CALLED
for people to come in, before. Nobody came forward.
...Jeff is definitely jealous and he wants to bathe in the limelight with me, and I haven't
been giving him the attention that he's been wanting lately, apparently. (I HAVE a LIFE! I'm
just BUSY!)
...Scott just wants SKYWARN all to himself because he sees it as a potential money-maker for
him that he can use to get himself "free equipment that (he) can keep on a sortuh 'permanent
loan.'"
I don't LOOK at everything in terms of limelights and who deserves to bathe in it and what it
can GET me. I'm just trying to run SKYWARN right, making sure to look out for it's future, and
I'm trying not to rush it too fast and make it do too many rediculous things at once which could
make it fail before it has a chance to begin.
I have to admit...I never saw or realized any of this until it was too late. I had no clue
and I didn't see it coming. I've NEVER had to deal with "celebrity" before! What the hell is
THAT??? You know? I'm just lowly "Todd." But that autograph request from that guy the night
of the class...that's the first time that happened to me and I've never thought about this whole
thing in that kind of a light before.
Have you ever had to deal with stuff like that, yourself? (Not the autograph, which was
actually kinda cool, and I felt honored; but the people stalking you.) Does it happen to you a
lot? ...Meeting scary people, that is? How did YOU make them stop?
As far as AC-SKYWARN....No, Angie. I'm not giving up on forming that into it's own group.
That's still my biggest dream. I'm working on that right now, as a matter of fact. I'm just
keeping it top secret, right now. At this very moment, Melissa Royce, founder of the Miami area
SKYWARN group, and her husband, are moving their stuff into a home here in Alachua County. She
will be helping me form AC-SKYWARN into a real organization. And so will Chris McVey, director
of the EM program in a company he works for here in town. He also has organizational experience.
And of course, Alisa will also be onboard. For the Executive Board, it would be REALLY cool if
I can do it and, I'm going to try to convince Bill Quinlan, and Dr. Martin Uman onboard to that.
I'd be SO honored if YOU would like in on this, too. With all THOSE names onboard - imagine what
that could do for the program. Gosh!
...Angie?
Regardless of all of this stuff going on, please believe that I DO understand your position. I
know how much you love your job and SKYWARN. I realize that, regardless of what you know they're
doing to me, that you still must maintain relations with them regardless, and that you cannot
discriminate or withhold associations with them. I kow what you're having to go through; what
position you're having to take; what decisions you're being forced to make. And I will NEVER try
to make you choose a side, or try to tell you that you cannot associate with these people, or talk
to them, or that you can't conduct business with them, or even that you cannot be friends with
them. I have no right. (Not that I even actually HAVE that kind of power.) I just want you to
know that I understand that, that I know what you must be able to do, and that I won't ever try
to get in your way like that. I'm not that petty. I'm better than that. Please tell me that you
understand that. I hold nothing against you. I hold no ill feelings. You and I are now and will
always be good - no matter what. Okay? This is not either of our faults. We're both victims.
Let's both just try to ride it out together and continue onwards, anyway. Uh'AYTE? :)
Todd
-----Original Message-----
From: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2005 3:45 PM
To: Angela Enyedi
Subject: SKYWARN, Life...
> I hope that you, your mom and the rest of the revitalized Alachua
> Skywarn team are doing well. We truly appreciate all that you do.
Mom's been going to a lot of radiation, chemo, and heart therapy treatments,
lately over this cancer thing. I've been having to take an AWFUL lot of time
out of my work schedule to take her all around to these neverending appointments
and stuff. If they don't start trying to be more accomodating with the
schedulings, I'm probably gonna lose my job very soon, here. :( She totalled
her car and she has nothing to drive now so I have to drive her everywhere, and
do things for her.
Well, the "revitalized" SKYWARN hasn't really happened yet. I mean, Melissa
and Phil moved up, yah; but nothing different or fantastic has really happened
with AC-SKYWARN since you were here, last. The new guy Chris McVey makes me
nervous. He's pushy as hell and wants to try to make everything happen
"now-now-now" without much thought. Doesn't even have a plan and he wants to
make things happen.
He's bragged to me already about how "good" he thinks he is at using reverse
psychology to manipulate people into doing what he wants. I've already noticed
him trying to so manipulate me. I don't think I like him.
Melissa supposedly knows a lot and supposedly handled Press down there in PB
but when I asked her if she wants to do anything she doesn't want to commit.
Phil is kinda stuck on himself and kind of rude to Melissa.
We tried calling mass meetings in the past and no one showed up.
We've also been trying to find people to run spotter nets but no one has been
coming forward. That's why we haven't had many nets much this past year.
Everybody wants to SPOT, but nobody wants to run the NETS. Everybody wants to
PLAY, but nobody wants to WORK. Everybody wants ME to run the nets all the time,
and for ME to organize everything; but nobody wants to help out. (sigh) Then
they bitch and moan at the shitty job they think I do. I've been getting kinda
burned out.
And with all the OTHER crap going on lately...and ESPECIALLY with people
interfering with my PERSONAL life and shit...you know I was actually going around
looking for a gun for a short time? Alisa talked me out of that. For a while I
just didn't freaking care, though. I felt like I was just in everybody's way and
I just wanted out. I couldn't think of a fast enough, painless enough way.
...Me! ...Thinking THAT kind of shit. But yah...I did. There was so much
negative stuff going on all at the same time. I wasn't having an easy time of it.
It was so really hard. It's STILL hard; but...I'm dealin'.
But in answer to your question...no. I DON'T own one.
...And I never will. Okay? I promise. So don't worry. I HAD looked; but I kept
thinking about Alisa and I couldn't bring myself to buy one. See, she said that
if I ever did something like that, that she'd be pissed as hell at me. She said
that that's what LOSERS do, and that I'd be a loser, then. :( I didn't want her
to think of me that way. I can't stand the idea of her being disappointed in me.
I respect her greatly.
As far as SKYWARN, I'm just going to continue to take it slowly; to take my time
and it'll form when it forms. There's no rush. It's doing just fine as it is right
now.
...And I'm not getting so personally involved with people, anymore. From now on
I'm not opening my heart up to anybody. Never again...EVER! (Well I mean...except
for a few extremly well trusted people...you, Alisa.)
As far as Jeff... After Jeff broke a major rule of friendship with me I pretty
much cut things off with him drastically. He's on probation and he knows it and for
the first time I've actually been getting emails from him which showed him to
actually seem like he UNDERSTANDS where I'm coming from, instead of fencing with me,
and like he's actually scared of losing my friendship. (I'm finally beginning to
realize how apparently "dependent" upon me he is. Thing is, how can someone so
dependent on me treat me so BADLY around other people? I don't get that? Anyway...)
You don't use your friend's other friends to try to win arguments, to embarrass,
and to harass, or to get them to think your way or to do things your way. And you
especially don't use the women you know are important to them and whom they're
greatly concerned about impressing to get your point across, too! I could not
believe he actually did that and crossed that line. What was the POINT of that
message? It had NOTHING to do with concern for me! It had everything to do with
trying to get Todd to bow to his argument. That's ALL it was. I was really upset
with him for that. He mentioned some pretty personal stuff in that one little note
to you. That kind of info about my life should have been left up to ME to reveal on
my OWN terms, and not used as fodder for winning his personal arguments. He wrote
that with total disregard for how he might actually destroy all respect for me that
you might have had. And between Scott, and him, and all these other weird people
following every move of my life and who try to make my life so difficult and
embarrassing...why the hell would ANY woman want to be my friend and associate with
me...or want ANYTHING to do with me...realizing all the VERY strange people that I
have following me around? I was TIRED of it. I made sure he understood what he did.
He'll never do that again. But...it's too late, now. I've given him years and years
worth of second chances and the man cannot be trusted to be honorable towards me. So
no more. I've trusted him now LITERALLY to my detriment. It's not happening again.
Right now Jeff and I are pretty much professional-only and I don't tell him
anything personal, anymore. I can't trust him with my most personal secrets anymore,
obviously. Between him and his wife Susan...the whole world knows all about it
moments after I tell him. So he's out of the loop.
This makes his wife go away, too, since I am now largely out of his association,
and out of GARS, and GARC, and pretty much now out of ham radio, too. So she should
have nothing much more to complain about.
Scott? I don't think about him. I don't associate with him. I don't bother him.
Last I heard, he's working at Albertson's now, working two jobs by order of his
wife. I leave him to do what he wants in his life and I don't worry about him,
anymore. I let him trip over his own feet on his own.
I've been searching for better friends, since. I've got Alisa. ...And oh man, she
wrote me the NICEST note the other day. She basically said that no matter what
"boyfriends" she may have, that our friendship would never be affected, and she would
never let anything stand between us. (sigh!) I wanted to die. It was obvious how
important I am to her, and how much my friendship means to her, now. I think I'm
finally to the point that I wanted to be with her...the good, close, trusted friend I
always wanted to be. (sigh) Finally. Took it long enough. It's good to know that
I can actually handle a friendship right with SOMEBODY. It was hard for her because
you're talking about a guy who's like, in LOVE with her. You know? The guy can
scream "let's just be friends then" all he wants; but you KNOW that in most cases
they don't really MEAN that. Well, I meant that. It's just been hard for her to
believe it. I knew it was going to take time, though. And I'm a patient person.
She's in love now with that "Chris" guy whom she met during training in California.
She's fallen pretty deep. But she keeps doubting him and his feelings, and I keep
telling her to give it time, to be patient, not to jump to conclusions, etc. This
guy has no CLUE what an ally he's had in me, covering his fumbling mistakes and
stuff. He has no clue. Question is: WHY am I doing this, too? WHY? I like this
girl and I'm convincing her to keep trying with this guy. There's something wrong
with me. I'm an idiot.
Anyway...
Angie...I'm so sorry for all that's happened between us. I don't know if that
could ever mean anything to you, but I truly am...I'm sorry. I wish it were
possible for you to forgive me. I can BE better. I CAN keep secrets. I CAN be
trusted. I just...I really blew it by making the mistake of admitting my heart
to Jeff and I guess I should have known better. I'll never make a mistake like
that again.
NOTE: I'd made the mistake of telling Jeff about what had happened after the spotter training class - about Angie helping me pack things up, walking me out to my car, and about the conversation that we'd had, that night. It was a stupid mistake. Jeff then tried to use it against me, and in so doing, he let loose to Angie that I had talked to him. He caused a situation of distrust while at the same writing an email that was designed to make her think that I was completely irresponsible. Friends don't do this. Friends are supposed to be people that you're able to talk about things your secrets with, and they're supposed to keep all the secrets. Jeff just saw opporunity to destroy something, and actually used it. That's not a "friend." And "friendship" was at this particular time in my life something that I was so desperately trying to seek out because all I knew in the hams of "friendship" was criticism, complaining, backstabbing, and humiliation. At this time, I was trying to get rid of all of the really bad influences in my life and move on and find people who were much better. Alisa fit that bill perfectly and she was turning out to be quite the loyal friend that I was looking for. I was kinda hoping maybe somethingt similar might be had with Angie and it was looking for a SHORT while like that might be possible...until the hams actively intervened to destroy it. -Todd
I really WANTED your friendship when you offered it to me that night. I was so
proud that you'd offered it to ME. Someone like YOU...wanting to associate with
someone like ME.
...I can't tell you how priviledged I felt. I felt so honored. You just don't
know the feeling I had. At least for that one night anyway, my whole world was
right as rain, and all the bad going on was forgotten...and GOD that was nice...
for once.
But...you started something, Angie. I pray...PLEASE...don't change your mind.
Don't take that idea back. Let's be friends. I'd like that. I'd really like
that. I could truly appreciate someone like you.
I want someone like you as a friend. I want someone whom I can trust and
believe in; and I want to be someone YOU can trust and believe in. I want to be
able to tell you all my secrets; and I want you to be able to trust me with
your's. I want a chance to prove that I CAN be trusted.
I'm not looking for a relationship with you, Angie. But I would VERY much like
your friendship. I think you're awesome and cool. What you think of me matters
a great deal. I don't want you to be disappointed with me. I'd like to be able
to show you that I can be a responsible and trustworthy friend. I want a second
chance to show that I AM a gentleman, that I AM an honestly good person.
But right NOW...I feel like total crap. :( I made a mistake and I feel like
I betrayed you beyond repair. Is that true? IS that the case?
I wish you'd tell me YOUR feelings. ...Get mad at ME. Tell me YOUR point of
view of things. Will you talk to me, Angie? Tell me how YOU feel. Tell me
what you're thinking.
Angie...PLEASE forgive me. I beg you. Please believe in me. I won't let
you down. I can be an honorable and worthy friend. I'd like the chance to
prove it.
Please? I made mistakes with Alisa, too. Alisa gave me a bunch of chances
and she's pretty happy with what she now realizes she has. I'd like the chance
to show you, too, that I can be worth it.
(gets on his knees and bows)
...Pweeze? ...Pwetty pweeze?
...Beyotch? (blinks a few times)
...Hmm? (gives his best sad puppy dog look)
Todd
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Sunday, July 24, 2005 10:22 PM
To: skywarn@fireline.org
Subject: RE: SKYWARN, Life...
"...Hmm? (gives his best sad puppy dog look)"
That line is the only reason I am responding. I am a sucker for animals. ;-)
Todd, everything is just so drama ladden, and that is the last thing I want
right now...more drama. Life is a rollercoaster for all of us; we all face
challenges and we all have things in our past that we are not proud of nor
like to discuss. We all have skeletons in our closet. (any other cheesy
over-used analogies out there???)
But we learn from those experiences, even the bad and hurtfull ones, and
move on...hopefully becoming a better and stronger person.
I don't know if you have been able to move on from some of the darkness of
your past; you seem like you have deep sad secrets and are afraid that they
may taint the way the rest of the world sees you...but they don't until you
let bitterness overcome you in many aspects of your life from Alisa's
relationship to Skywarn to GARS to Jeff.
Your passion for Skywarn and helping others is the light I see in you.
Sometimes I think you don't see it; or are afraid of losing it or letting
yourself loose it. You are a leader; not someone who submits because a few
are pushing all of the right buttons. Give the rest of us more credit who
know you; I can see right through them. Don't worry about what they think or
how they act...their silly antics are so obvious, and they alone will not
change my personal high opinion of you, nor the NWS's.
I suppose my professional attitude of having as little correspondence as
possible with these issues has been cold...but I honestly just don't want to
get involved in all of the drama.
You have no reason to apologize to me for anything; it was foolish of me to
blabber like I did that night...but thank you for listening. Like I
said...I just had so much build up inside of me that I just spouted. I have
no reason to get mad at you, either.
Those are my thoughts and opinions; I know I am blunt...forgive me if I
sound cold. I don't mean to sound that way.
Please take care of yourself, your mom and your heart. I know it hurts right
now...torn between being a friend and your eternal longing. Just try to
believe that their is an ultimate plan for each of us...and things will work
out the way they are meant to.
My best,
--Angie
Now for the next two. These were kinda out there...but I ignored them.
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2005 8:26 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: RE: Thank you...
"I've placed your hand around my neck. But...I give it
to you as a gesture of trust. I"
I haven't even read the rest of your letter...but I would lower my hand and
embrace you with my arms. You are a very strong person. My heart hurts
because of all of the obstacles you had to overcome. Let me
-----Original Message-----
From: Angela Enyedi
Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2005 8:47 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: You are so strong...
I just keep thinking of your strong spirit. You have so much strength and
resiliance. Despite all of the selfishness you grew up with, you have grown
into such a giving man.
Wow, huh?
Not long after this the hams really began stepping up the program, and began contacting Angie more and more. It was as if they just couldn't stand the idea that any intelligent females were thinking of me as anyone who should be respected or even talked to, and they felt that just had to be stopped...immediately. I don't know. Not long after this, everything began going to hell. The hams stepped up their campaign on Angie. Angie began to realize that she was becoming the focus of these people who were attacking me and, not long after this, Angie insisted on a more "professional" contact level, and not long after that, suddenly I became persona non grata and I still have no actual idea why that happened. Al insisted that I not contact Angie anymore, while Angie kept calling and emailing me dor spotter reports anyway - which was strange if there was a non-contact thing going on. It implied that Angie hadn't asked Al to do that and that Al had done something on his own without Angie's knowledge, and then hadn't told Angie about it, either. So that, every time Angie emailed or called me, I wondered if I was going to get in trouble if I responded.
But this isn't about Todd being a stalker. Four levels of government, sixteen government agencies, six police departments, and four civilian organizations don't all join hands together - and under the table at that - against one man unless they perceive him to be a serious threat. And what happened between Angie and I...that comes no where near that level of stuff. That just wasn't there. It never happened. It makes no sense. When I ask, I get "...that's official [NWS/Emergency Management] business." I would sure like to know what it was that the hams said was so bad about me that that level of response - including an "investigation" by the FBI, was even necessary. Obviously everybody felt that had a good enough case to involve the FBI. So...why can't anybody seem to be able to publicly STATE what the problem with me was?